Miracles and Wonders
Advice for survivors and caregivers
Page 1
  • Every cancer is different
  • Statistics are just numbers
  • Be prepared
  • Take notes
  • Keep a chemo journal
Page 2
  • The power of prayer
  • Share the burden
  • Sometimes you just need to cry
  • Stay positive when you can
  • Everyone knows a cancer victim and/or survivor
  • Be careful on the web
Page 3
  • Clinical trials and research studies
  • Cheap wigs and other bad advice
  • Be assertive when necessary
Page 4 (this page)
  • The importance of feeling normal
  • Don't blame yourself


The importance of feeling normal

    This is an issue that can be very difficult for a caregiver to understand. We get
    focused on the treatment, on doing whatever it takes for our loved one to get
    better or feel better, and we lose sight of what it is really like for the person
    living with cancer. No one wants to be defined by their disease. A cancer
    survivor will adapt to the doctor visits, the treatment schedules, and even the
    pain and discomfort, but they still want to have a regular life whenever that is
    possible and more importantly they want to feel normal.

    During the first week after a Chemotherapy session,  Debbie would frequently
    complain "I can't even watch a TV show without taking a nap in the middle,
    why can't anything be normal". At first I tried to comfort her by talking about
    how the treatment was working or about how the fatigue would go away in a
    few days, but eventually I realized that the problem wasn't that she didn't
    understand all of that, it was just that she was sick and tired of being sick and
    tired. She needed to feel like she was going on with her regular life while she
    was in treatment and not that she had simply put her life on hold until some
    remote point in the future when things might be better.

    Once I caught on to this, I was able to help her more by finding ways that she
    could do normal activities. Things as simple as taking her along for the ride to
    the grocery store helped because getting out of the house and driving to a
    familiar location just felt right to her. She was able to forget for a moment that
    she was fighting cancer and just do a normal activity. Of course, immediately
    after Chemo I didn't let her go into the store because we were paranoid about the
    possibility of exposure to germs while her immune system was depressed, but
    just the ride to and from the store was enough to help a little.

    Depending on how she was feeling and how soon after Chemo it was, we
    gradually found more and more ways to let Deb do normal activities - mostly
    around the house, but also out in the community as well. Even little things like
    getting dressed instead of lounging around in her pajamas and robe, or watching
    TV in the living room instead of the bedroom could make things seem a little
    more normal. And as she got closer to the end of her treatment, when the good
    days were better and more frequent, I was amazed at how much joy she could
    get from something like making her own lunch.

    When your life has been turned upside-down by cancer, anything that can let
    you see it "right side up" again, even for just a little while, is a good thing.

Don't blame yourself

    Once you get a diagnosis of cancer, it doesn't take long to start running through
    the "what ifs" and finding ways to blame yourself for what has happened. You
    start asking "Why didn't I notice this sooner?" or "What didn't I ask my doctor
    about screening tests?" or "Could this be because I {didn't have kids, had too
    many kids} or {ate too much red meat, tried to be a vegetarian} or {never had a
    routine chest X-ray, was exposed to too much radiation}?" and you say "If only
    I had {quit smoking, eaten better, exercised more, flossed after every meal}
    maybe then I wouldn't have gotten cancer."

    Well, you know what? Maybe you wouldn't have gotten cancer ... or maybe you
    still would have gotten cancer but it would have been detected even later, or
    maybe you would have been hit by a bus on the way to the Health Food Store.
    The point is you'll never know, so there is absolutely nothing to be gained from
    worrying about it. Just forgive yourself for all past bad behavior and move on.
    Focus on your treatment, on getting better, and on planning for a better lifestyle
    and a more fulfilling life once your cancer is in remission.