I'm trying so hard to be thankful and positive. Maybe if I make a list of things that are better this time around doing chemo. Yes, maybe that will help ----count my blessings and all, I suppose...

Okay,

1, I'm leaning right away on Jesus to be here with me throughout this, and I know I'm going into this without as much anxiety and fear as the first time,

2, no major fatigue has to be right up there too,

3, the treatment sessions are only half day instead of the unbearably long 8 hour doing Taxol and Carboplatin,

4, there are many good days so far in the first and second weeks, which before was filled with many really bad days, and finally

5, I've learned some good lessons from the first time that I'm using now.

One of these lessons I learned is that I know my body better than anyone else. And for me that means I can handle a lot of the side effects myself and it's best either to not take the meds prescribed for the side effects or cut back on how much I take.

Not that I'm saying this is what everyone should do. This is just what works for me. I'm always been the kind of person that heals with the minimum of medication, that taking just one aspirin is enough. I like to think that God had this all in mind when He created me, that medication would work extra well on me. I also know I'm the kind of person who gets the side effects of a drug, if there are any. So I learned the hard way the first time going through chemo, that taking pills in advance of symptoms from the chemo just meant more side effects. On top of fatigue, I was battling some pain and nauseas so I did what I was told and took meds that cause fatigue and drowiness. Fatigue on top of fatigue. Trust me, that wasn't good. I remember days that I could only move with help from my bed.

So with this latest time doing chemo, I know I can relay more on how I feel. It's okay to wait until I know I'm actually having symptoms and not "nip it before it starts" as the nurses first instructed me ----because for me, dealing with the mild pain or discomfort is better than being in a groggy fatigue state. Yes, I've learned that lesson before.