It's hard to deal with having cancer 24/7.  Sadly, that is true for me.  No exaggeration.  From the moment I wake up, my symptoms remind me I'm doing chemo.  From every question I'm asked, "how are you?", it's all about the cancer and chemo.  I can't even turn to tv or a book for time out because it's there too.   Even in my dreams, I'm aware I have cancer.  I guess it's part of who I am now, but it would be nice to pretend.  That's what I tried to do today.  I tried to have a regular normal day where I didn't have the worries ....didn't have the side effects ....didn't have the cancer.   That's why I was almost late for my own chemo treatment.

My sister is visiting me and I decide that I'm not going to let cancer and chemo take over the entire time I have with her.  NO, not today!!  I'm going to do fun things and pretend my life is normal.  My only symptom is a headache and tire easily, but that's not going to stop me.  So I take my sis out for a breakfast of donuts and then a little shopping.  Okay, a lot of shopping.  I did say, I'm going to pretend I'm normal and lots of shopping is normal. 

It's wonderful and I do forget for a few hours that I'm sick.  But then reality sinks in and I check my watch and I'm running a few minutes late to go back home to meet up with my husband so we can all get to my afternoon chemo appointment.  Actually "running late" in itself is normal for me and I have to laugh about it now, but my husband wasn't all to happy worrying where I was at.  My sister, husband and I have spent a lot of time together over the years, and it does seem like old times that we had to make a quick trip to the McDonald's drive thru and try to eat lunch in the car in the middle of Charlotte's traffic and make it in time to the hospital.   We do and this time my treatment went without any problems ---chemo drug there, found a vein, no crying on my part.  All is good, but I wonder, what would happen if I were late?  Real late.  Like if I didn't show up.  It's a fantasy I have.  If I don't show up for chemo, can I just skip my treatment?  If I get in my car and drive away, will I leave my cancer behind?  Well there's harsh reality slapping me in the face again.  I have to do my treatments if I'm going to get better.  24/7  I have to deal with having cancer again.