Chemo Day.  Round 5.  I have to confess that the good scan results two days ago helped to boost my morale.  I went into this chemo feeling ready and in a good place emotionally.  Just two more rounds to do and I should be done.  Only two to get back to "normal".  Just two.  Piece of cake, no?  Right?  Well not exactly.....

It started out okay.  Actually one of the best starts I ever had.   The first thing is to do the IV.  And with my small troublesome veins, that's usually the hardest part and I expect it to be hard.  I've been in so many times for labs and chemo (roughly 10 times for my recurrent chemo treatments) and only had a duplicate once for the nurse watching over me.  So no surprise that I once again had a new face.---Peggy.   But I'm hoping to have this one again or to ask for her because she found a vein in one attempt!!  That's like a miracle in itself.  I jokingly called her "one-shot Peggy".  Now the infusion machine did act up and didn't switch over to battery when I had to unplug it to go to the bathroom and started to beep like crazy.   But Super Peggy came to the rescue and swapped it out for another one.  She apologized, but I told her, "After the IV, you're one-shot Peggy and can do no wrong in my book!!"

I still like her the best and don't blame her on what happened next, but once again, this turned out to be a rough chemo treatment for me.  I don't think ANYof my treatments, including the first time through doing 7 rounds, have EVER been totally smooth and without any incident.  Just a sad fact.  Maybe it's related, but it's okay as long as rough chemo treatments mean good scan results.  

So what happened this time?  Well it was smooth with the IV, and Saline, the first pre med bag of Benadryl and Zofran, the second pre med bag of Decadron and Pepcid,  and the first bag of the chemo drug Topotecan.  I was then through about 99 % of my last bag of the chemo drug Carpoplatin, when all of a sudden I had a severe headache in the back of my head, tight chest pains, throat closure, jaw and chin pain, flushed face, rash around my lower neck and chest, pain in my sides, and redness and itching on my palms and bottom of my feet.  I know.  That's a lot of symptoms and so sudden!  This was an allergic reaction to the Carboplatin.   It actually says in the side effect disclosure for Carboplatin that some patients may become hypersensitive and experience a reaction after 5 or more rounds after break-in treatment.  So little miss side effect princess that I am, sure enough since I'm doing more Carbo with my recurrence, I'm right on schedule and become hypersensitive right before finishing my 5th round.  I swear I get ALL the side effects of any medication I take.   

So the Carbo was immediately stopped and I got extra Benadryl (which causes drowiness for me) and Decadron (which causes anxiety and sleeplessness and extra energy the next day).  Just what I needed, double doses and probably double the intensity of the side effects.  More saline was given to me and I had 3 or 4 nurses and the nurse practioner checking with me every few minutes until all these extra symptoms went away after half an hour or so.   At first, I thought I was having a heart attack right in the middle of my chemo treatment.  So even though I promised myself once again that I this would be a smooth non-eventful treatment and I wouldn't shed any tears, I cried a little.   It was really scary. 

So now what?  I still have another round to go with the Carbo.  The nurse said she was going to discuss it over with my doctor.  No matter how much I want to finish up my treatments as scheduled, I can't do another regular carbo infusion.  But maybe they could do a 12 hour diluted carbo treatment  administered in the hospital with an over night stay.  Can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that.  NOT!!  But I suppose if I have to, I will.  I've gotten this far.  I so much want to finish up with all six of my treatments.  I worry that if I don't do this last one, that maybe I'll get another recurrence.  But then again I really believe in my heart, that I'm already healed and this will be my last ever recurrence. 

Yes, if I search my heart, I really don't have that huge fear any more eating away at me.  Sure at first when I'm having this reaction and being told that I can't do any more Carbo, my mind was starting up with all the "what if's".   But after thinking a little more about this when I've calmed down, I have more of a perspective on it all.  All along the way of my cancer journey, Jesus has been there right beside me filling every need I had with His grace and mercy ---the dream, all the coincidences that timed everything out, and the miracle of a complete response with my advanced case.  (Check out "The Miracles" and "A Survivor's View" for these stories).  I've trusted Jesus this far and know that all things have worked out for the good, so this is just another intervention of Jesus to do what is good for me.  I believe it is.  Whatever the outcome ---stop the Carbo part for round 6, do diluted Carbo with an overnight hospital stay, or something else ----I'm certain in my heart, it is what God has planned for me and is for the best.  I'm in good hands and have no need to worry.  Praise Jesus!