It's coming up on my last chemo.  In three days, I'll start the sixth and hopefully last round.  I'm counting down the days, but instead of looking forward to it, I'm dreading it.  I have to do this one in the hospital so that they can monitor me in case of another reaction, and because this infusion will take 12 hours taking a diluted amount of the chemo drug.  What a way to end my treatments.  I wish my body could have hung in there for this one last treatment.   But why should this be any different?  I always get the side effects of any medication.  I read that the average number of Carboplatin treatments before a reaction is 14.  So with round 5 that made 12 for me.  Seven rounds the first time and now 5 of the 6, so I have a reaction.  It's terrible that my body can no longer tolerate the very drug I need to fight and destroy the cancer. 

And so all the "what if's" start to fill my mind.  I wonder what will happen if I need more treatments?  Will I have to do 12 hour infusions from now on?  Will I have to switch to another less effective drug?  This is frightening.   But then I calm down and remember another lesson I've learned from cancer.  It doesn't do any good wasting time on all the "what if's".  I take solace in my faith and trust that whatever comes, Jesus will handle and help me get through.  Nobody expects that I'll have to do any more than the 6 rounds, and I'm convinced that I've been blessed with a complete healing.  No need to wonder about future infusions.  I'm not going to need any more.  Ever.  But Lord, please get me through this last one....